My Most Embarrassing Moment - EVER


I just didn’t know to be embarrassed. Glencoe Elementary scheduled a talent show. This third grader had an edge, or so I thought. My 16 year old stepsister (actually she was my half, step aunt; but I was told to call her my stepsister) was a majorette at Glencoe High, and she had all the best disco albums. I asked for her professional opinion and choreography. We decided I would dance to “Superfreak.” Please try to think back to that song and its lyrics. It would have one of those not-suitable-for-immature-audience-explicit-content-labels had they existed in 1979! Also I was one of those girls who matured faster than others, so I wore one of my half, step aunt…um…I mean step sister’s disco, majorette costumes. (Think sequins, and fringe) To top that off, I wore enough make-up to suffocate Tammy Faye.

The routine was an interpretive dance of sort, in which I rolled around on the floor and performed other assorted, age inappropriate disco moves. I'll spare you all the details. (I still remember some of that routine) I couldn’t understand why after I gave it all I had, and the music faded out, that the audience didn’t break into thunderous applause. After all, a kid sang a Shirley Temple song, another sang a Michael, Row Your Boat Shore Song; you get the picture, right? No one sang and danced, let alone with such pageantry, such flair, such entertainment value. I really couldn’t believe it when the winner’s name was called, and that name wasn’t mine. I do not even remember who or what had won. It was THAT unforgettable. I had been robbed!

I still pondered the injustice on the school bus ride to the Hair Affair (my mom’s beauty shop). That’s when reality reared its ugly head. You see Mom had been quite busy curling hair, and hadn’t had time to see the performance beforehand. I insisted she and Shirley, and a few various hair appointments, show me where I went wrong. Rick James belted out “She’s a very kinky girrrrl…doot doot doot doot…The kind you don’t take home to Muthaaah… How was I supposed to know what all that meant? Then I knew I was supposed to be embarrassed. However inappropriate that display was, let me just tell it like it is. I was still The Best.